Today’s love and…vo Kitaabo Vaala Pyaar?

Author : admin

Love, like life, is so insecure. It moves in our lives and occupies its sweet space in our hearts so easily. But it never guarantees that it will stay there forever. Probably that’s why it is so precious.
…from the novel ‘Can Love Happen Twice?’

Love is an ageless emotion. It existed in the past, exists in the present and because the future is so unpredictable, let me say, I HOPE it will be alive in the future as well. Of all the human emotions love has been the most fascinating. It is no wonder then that we have numerous books and uncountable movies based on this subject every year!

But as I try to observe this so called eternal emotion under the lens of time, I discover that just like everything else, love has also undergone changes over time. ‘Love at first sight’ has changed to become ‘Love at Facebook’.

I can’t comment on what love is going to be in the future, but at my best I can compare the present love with that of the past era. The one that continues to prevail in books; and for that matter I love to call it kitaabon vaala pyaar.

While I was growing up, I heard those immortal stories of those mortal lovers: Romeo Juliet, Heer Raanjha, Laila Majnu, Mirja Sahiba and Shiri Farhaad. These couples, whose love stories have survived centuries, have left a legacy of love behind that continues to fascinate us. Interestingly, whenever we are supposed to exemplify this ageless emotion of love and quote any undying love story, we always go back to this age to do so. And I wonder why do we have to go back in time? Why don’t we have couples from today’s time in this list of legendry lovers? Why don’t we have such immortal love stories from our own time? What is so special about the love of that age and what’s missing in present day love?

As I go ahead to find answers to my own questions, I realize that today’s romance isn’t that straight and simple as it used to be once upon a time. Why would otherwise world’s largest social networking platform ‘Facebook’ come up with this interesting relationship status, ‘I am in a relationship and it’s complicated’. And if I talk about the range of complexities, it in itself is quite diverse. No kidding! but for someone a minute issue of her boyfriend not talking to her over phone at least five times a day, gives birth to this complexity while for someone else complexity can be as big as not accepting other’s religious customs after marriage. We discuss, we debate and we fight over plenty of such big and small complexities. I am sure that almost all of us who had been in relationship or continue to do so would have undergone such phases. And in case you say you haven’t, I would say, ‘Lucky You!’

The average age of lovers has drastically reduced. All across the world children are attaining adulthood earlier than before. Experiences which were once a taboo for sixteen year old boys and girls are now the new adventures of their lives. There is far greater exposure to media and happenings around the world. No wonder then that among everything else, the experience of falling in love has also started taking birth in schools instead of colleges as was the case once. As seen in most of the cases if not all, these relationships lack fundamental wisdom and in the long run turn fragile.

Even in the case of the so called mature relationships, problems creep in when individuals put themselves ahead of their relationship; When words such as ‘us’ is taken over by ‘I’ and ‘our’ by ‘my’. Every day we come across plenty of such examples, ‘But what about MY career?’; ‘But I don’t want to live with your mother’. It is not so strange then that breakups and divorces these days are the highest ever.

Setting undue expectations and not being open to each other in the initial days of attraction are yet other causes that lead to these unfortunate ends. Consequently, there are quite a few surprises that are bound to pop up later.

When we commit to someone, we say, ‘love is blind’. And if the latter is really true then I suggest, keep your eyes closed and enjoy the blind ride of love for the real problems will creep in later when you try to open your eyes. And the moment one does that, chances are high that one finds that something which has been missing so far in the relationship. I guess the best bet would be to keep your eyes opened before you commit; to not make commitments that are difficult to follow.

Relationships these days are short lived. Terms like ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend are so much an accepted norm of our society. I don’t think they existed in the past so much. When one committed to a loved one, it was done for life, ‘Until death do us part’. I sometimes wonder how it would feel to read if Laila had an ex-boyfriend or Majnu an ex-girlfriend!

Love and romance in the present times has often been observed to lack that strong and pious bonding. Couples are together just because it is ‘cool’ to be physically together. The emotional connect is intermittent and fluctuating and this is the real problem. Half the time we believe we love the other person, the rest half of the time we are skeptical about what we believed in the first place. In the end, if they are still together it is more of a mutual agreement and quite ironically love doesn’t figure as part of this agreement more often than not. Love for me is a matter of heart’s choice and not an outcome of mind’s decision.

In one of my courses at ISB, I learnt this interesting lesson, ‘We like others who are like us or who like us.’ In my view this fact gets verified in the long run of a relationship. In the initial few days we may fool ourselves in to believing that we love somebody when we are just attracted to their looks, status, extrovert nature and various other attributes, but in the long run our inherent human tendency makes us focus at what exactly we need and not on what other person has to offer us. Therefore, everything appears nice in the short term but any longer, and our loses of unfulfilled expectations loom far longer, more than the profits of initial experiences. This is when we tend to reject people who are not like us or who don’t like us.

If there is one thing which I believe is the most important ingredient of love that has been missing in present times, it is the ability to sacrifice. Till the time we can’t change our individualistic and self-centered expectations and be wise enough to accept and to let go of few things for the sake of love, we won’t be able to harvest love in its best possible way. Those love stories from the past world are eternal because of the sacrifices made by their heroes and heroines. We need to draw a line somewhere between our needs and our wants and if needed then let go the wants part of it for the sake of each other. For instance the NEED to live together after marriage is superior to the WANT of living in a particular metro. If you are really in love you are wise enough to know what to let go and what to retain.

And on that very subject of sacrifice, I recall the lyrics of one of the songs by my favorite Punjabi sufi singer Satinder Sartaj, who very nicely describes the contrast of modern love against that of the past.

Hun ni karda koi ishqe lai kurbaaniya
pehla vafadaar si aj de aashiq sayaane
baarah saal charaaiya majhiya raanjhe chaak ne
aj kal raanjhe ban gaye ais umar de niyaane

(Today no one makes sacrifices for the sake of love Then lovers used to be honest, the ones from our times are clever Twelve years of grazing buffaloes was the sacrifice Ranjhaa made and became a legendry lover Today, forget sacrifices, even a school going kid identifies himself as Raanjhaa)

For love to survive and flourish, there needs to be maturity and sacrifice in a relationship, otherwise there is always the danger of ‘complicated status’ that threatens the very essence of the beautiful emotion of love.

49 Comments

  1. hw nicely u expressd the flngs…agreed with u .. 2dy d defntn of lv hs chngd..v neeed to undstn tht sacrifice fr each othr iz smthng tht mks rltnshp longlasting….v need to shed our egoes..slf cntrdnss etc….ryt more….lukng frwd fr ur nxt articl….ths 1…ncly written….blss u!!!!

  2. hw nicely u expressd the flngs…agreed with u .. 2dy d defntn of lv hs chngd..v neeed to undstn tht sacrifice fr each othr iz smthng tht mks rltnshp longlasting….v need to shed our egoes..slf cntrdnss etc….ryt more….lukng frwd fr ur nxt articl….ths 1…nycly rytn..

  3. Kamal Deep Gupta says:

    Hey!!
    Ravin
    Me a grt fan of urs, have read both of ur writngs n have found that des wer d bst i have evr read among the 176 novel i have read in last 1and half year…
    I started with 2 States by Chetan Bhagat, followed by all hs buks till Revolution 2020 and all the writings of Durjoy Dutta, Nikita Singh.Sachin Garg Etc… But ur’s ones the best
    Waiting for ur nxt buk, do write bro…….

  4. Nilesh Agrawal says:

    The concept is touching again, but this time around the blog captures an essence of the “modern day love story” wherein you tend fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat and very surprisingly, it hardly any effort doing so.

    it just gives light to the present scenario of love stories, which makes it a good read as you can relate to it pretty well….anyway its good to read it….:)

  5. Srishti says:

    i really loved both of ur novels….m rly excitd to know wht hapnd latr?
    wen simar came bck to shimla??
    n most importantly how r u nw???

  6. piyush dubey says:

    i am totally agree with u……………..

  7. shaman says:

    ur dam awesome ravinder ji ….
    i luv ur books n ur writings ..
    read ur books many time n m searchng u in chd from 2 years..
    ur fab ur writings r so so cathy

  8. namita soni says:

    ravin..i hd read ur both d books…so nicly..u expressd ur feeling..
    i hv cried a lot aftr..reading ur both d novels…hw com god being so cruel with u..
    d 1st one touchs more to my heart..because i too also hd gone with d same kind of thing…

    keep on writing..luking frwd fr ur nxt articl…

  9. shubhamrit says:

    SAT SRI AKAL RAVIN JI,
    tusi bht hi wadiya likheya ki aaj kal de PYAAR wich SACRIFICE karn wali feelings nae hai..!!!!!!
    BUT je eh cheeza hon ta har koi apne BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND di importance samaj sakda hai…. es nal oh kise hor bare sochnan to pehla apne purane rishte nu ek war dubara jarur dekhda hai…
    i admire u alot….. one of ur biggest fan…..

  10. deema says:

    cn i plsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss gt ur nbr………
    o if u cn cnnct wit me on ma gmail accnt………
    pls do rply………

  11. Heena says:

    In love with this one because I have the same thought about relationship these day which lack understanding and sacrifices .

  12. Divya says:

    Hello Sir,
    Your thoughts about “love” r absolutely correct according to d present generation. But there are still lovers in todays world who are ready to sacrific evrythng for each other… n i knw 1 such beautiful couple. who can do ny dam thng to be 2gther… i hve read ur novel “I too had a love story..” n trust me it jst brought a huge change in mah thinkng towardz love n gave me a broder view about love… it is really damm touchng story… i wuld lyk to tell u dat evn i wanna write up blogs from quiet a few tym but unfortunately i m not gttng an opportunity to express mah self… i wuld lyk to request u to respond to mah blog atleast once.. it wuld be vry greatful thng for me… cozz i badly need help…. n sum were in mah mind after readng ur dis blog i feel i cn get sum guidelines from u n u cn help me in sum ways… plzzz its a keen requset…. i knw its difficult to reply to every viewer bt still….
    Yours Faithfully,
    Divya..

  13. siddharth arora says:

    Sir, I just completed reading ur 2nd novel, can love happen twice……I was in tears,
    I want to about u sir, where are you n what happened after that…..
    I am your fan sir, just wanna meet you….
    Hatsoff to you n your story……

  14. Shivani says:

    Yeah even i agree with u….well anybody of todays generation will agree….Love today has become a game, more than an emotion, a game one plays with life of another…..but really it hurts a lot sometimes

  15. Ayat says:

    Love?? What is it all about?? An emotion so pure and it eventually brings out the best and the worst in ourselves. Understanding what a person wants today has become so difficult that the only solution is to look up to their facebook status. Some wish they had an extra status that states”i don’t even know whats happening”.

    P.S: Those lines are best expressed. :)

  16. Nazuk Nanda says:

    I knoe many ppl have told to put ur Khushi’s photograph on d site n m not d first one whse requesting u 2 do so but still i request plzzzzzz Ravin put her photo on site plzzz….

  17. priyanka says:

    i want to see khushi’s picture. please please please grant my request. and i also want to about your life as more you describe in your second edition.

  18. bhanushree says:

    Sir i m truly inspired by ur writings n ur thoughts.i would love to know where could i contact u personaaly to take some tips for my love life.i have been into relation for three yrs now but the trust factor is yet dwindling.i want ur help

  19. Soni says:

    Hi, I am a fan of yours. After reading your thoughts, I am quite surprise to see the emotional side of a guy. How can you understand this emotion of Human so well? Would surely like to get some advice from your side from your experiences, kindly let me know how can i converse with you? Would like to understand the criticality of this subject “LOVE” as i believe u have faced the most critical phase of it. I am lost in my life somewhere, and after reading your columns & books ithought u might suggest something to me. Will be obliged if you do so.

  20. Paridhi Vora says:

    Woww…i m more and more falling in love with the writings of Ravinder Singh..eagerly waiting for the next article and novel…

  21. Anita.khanchandani says:

    After reading your book i too had a love story….i really had a respect for you….bcause these days i have never seen such a commited guy…..but u you are wonderful,such commited ,such lovlable…..
    I was thinking this kind of love can happen only in dreams …but after reading your book i felt somethong else only….if we r dedicated and determined no one in this world will saperate our love from….my love definition gets totally changed after reading your such a wonderful blog…..its true sacrifices are most impotant thing for any relationship…ravin i really respect you alot….i really admire you….my wish is to meet u once in my life…keep writing such wonderful lines for us….love u ..bless u…..

  22. Aaditi Dhyani says:

    sir, after reading both ur books, i really started believing that there is kitabo vala pyar happenin atleast for some people.
    u really are a very nice person, n that reflects in wat u write..
    please do keep on writing like dis so readers like me dont fall out with the concept of real love…..:)

  23. Sreeji Iyer says:

    Hats off to u sir.. I could somehow relate my love story (which ended for simple reasons) to the reasons u have laid down here. How d meaning of LOVE has changed for our generation. But ultimately, its such ppl who still respect the feeling of LOVE who go on to suffer later..

  24. Ganesh Warkhade says:

    Hey I Read Both Books ……and waiting your upcoming Novel……

  25. Mitali says:

    Hi Ravin,
    I being a loyal reader 2 your books and a fan of yours would like to request you whether it will b possible for you to disclose Khushi’s pic on this website?
    I would love to see her because after reading I too have a love story for more than 5 times i can so imagine her beauty but would love to see my imagination come true with your words.
    Can this wish be fulfilled??

  26. Sneha Singh says:

    wht an author u are. U are truly an inspiration.. Admire u…. :)

  27. Aakash Baaliyaan says:

    waaaow…!!
    Sir,
    I read your book ‘I Too Had A Love Story’ n in the end it was the first time when i cried heavily…
    n after reading this blog i sincerely believe that the true essence of love has vanished which used to be earlier…
    Thank u for giving us so good thoughts to ponder over…!!

  28. Locomente says:

    Love… A long forgotten emotion… It has undergone too many plastic surgeries for beautification… And each of the operation has rendered it more ugly… I am in search of that divine love too…

  29. Nikita Nepali says:

    Agla article kaha hai?? i have been waiting Sir. :)

  30. Sir,,,,u r very luck …u got out of it…..but i still cudnt ….i try to but wen the face my loved one coms infront f me ….its just takes my way away from me….

  31. sana says:

    i am 18 been in a relationship for over 2 years.. never told anyone about it … i don’t want to get that “bad girl” title.. i met my shona like you did on a website .. i don’t know if is my true love or not or we that are gonna be together . as long as i am with him i am happy to cherish those moments.. i have 300 days of fighting and 65 days of love :P.. but we sure made our compromises …

  32. abhi says:

    hi ur book i too had a love story was read by many of my friends..they cried to the extreme……

  33. meenakshi says:

    so true really a grt fan of u ravin seriously hats off wish i had someone like u in mah life

  34. Vinaya says:

    I am some where not agree vth you.because I think there are so many other things matters as well. Sometime for our parents v hv to end up relationship though both r completely dedicated to each other. And where parents starts there immotional torture(blackmail)or I can say a brutal totture to a girl or a boy.they have to quit there relation jst because none of them can see there love to get hurt :(

  35. tudy says:

    Well said.
    Not to hurt , yet love failure made you an author, made you a love archeologist, finding the medicines for the bruises caused due to it, but is there any one to be blamed for the current trend of lust being renamed love?

    Being a love loser, i accept these but just hope girls(exceptions there though) eye for the heart of a man than the status!

  36. Moheta says:

    I agree……..♡♡♡♡

    Love definition changed♥♥♥

  37. Priyanka says:

    I really appreciate the way you expressed the love.
    But unfortunately I am not satisfied with the love that needs sacrifice. As we do sacrifices only in that case where we know that fortunately or unfortunately we have to do this if we really want that someone to exists in my life as we do when it comes to our family or I may say when it comes to husband/wife relationship.
    For me love doesn’t need any kind of sacrifices as if someone is really in love with you then he/she will accept you the way you are with him/ her. He/ she will never ask any kind of change in you too. For me when love happens you started loving each and every aspect of your life it may be your worklife , your personal life anything. Its a feeling which when comes in one way you want to talk that person alot and in other way you have a kind of fear too inside somewhere in your heart that says dnt talk just follow her/him or just see him/her. Its a feeling in which we give space to somebody to talk with anyone and on the otherhand a kind of jealously also arises in us and then we started just smiling on ourself. I may say if we understands the unspoken words of somebody then it means that its love as for eg. a mother always understands the unspoken words of child that he/she is hungry or anything. When love happens it won’t need any physical interaction with the partner if it really exists then you can imagine the whole face and expressions of your partner while talking on phone too. I dnt know when will I feel that love still waiting …..

  38. himani says:

    i think that love is d same tht it used to b earlier but its just tht ppl dnt recognise it…… in evry reltionship dey gt in dey do say i love you but it dosnt mean tht dey really mean it
    nowadays majority are in a relationship….but it dsnt mean dt dey r in love

  39. Sir i am asking a question .
    please do rply
    have you married or not.

  40. Prj says:

    You are excellent in terms of writing . The way you have described is
    extraordinary. I am impressed with your thoughts .Waiting for your next article.

  41. rahul mehta says:

    i read novel first time in my life.awesome story but end was so sad.

  42. Prasant says:

    Love is something which neither you fall in nor you come out you just have to grow in love……in relationship it is just faith which irrigates it….

  43. great……………..
    always….. really touching…

  44. Akshita Gulati says:

    Itzz jazz awwwweeesummm..!! :) 😉

  45. yash says:

    2DAY’S LOVER NEVER SACRIFIES BT THEY PROMISE TO DO…….

  46. Deepmala Prasad says:

    Ravin sir u r amazing.u write ur novel so beautifully dat it touched our hearts…vo kitabo wala pyar & 2days definition of love is totally mismatched..2days love is not love dis is only a way 2 fulfil d desire of lust.In 2days world its hardly psble to find a true partner…u r an xcptn.Evry girl’s desire 2 get a person lyk u…love ur novels by hrt & wnt 2 read more such luv stories..

  47. Nithin Santhosh says:

    ravinder bhiyaaa…mene aappaka kitab pada….mene pehla baar ek kitab puura padaa…and its so awsome..i havnt read ur first buk….. but i hae read ur second buk(can love happen twice?)..first i have read a buk fully…and dat 2 i got ur buk accidently… and now i t ha become ma fav buk….i nly have one ques….wo tory aap ka hey kya??pls give a rply..

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